Controlling behaviors are often hard to distinguish from the normal experience of being in a relationship. If you suspect your partner is controlling, look for clues in how your partner’s behavior affects you. 

Do you feel like you’re twisting yourself into a pretzel to...

“You’re overreacting,” Jake told Amanda. “It’s no big deal.” Amanda looked at Jake with disbelief. He said he planned to go on a fishing trip with his male friends over the weekend. But he neglected to tell her that his ex-girlfriend would be there. When Amanda...

Inside the Mind of One Man

Children who sustained painful emotional wounds from their parents and others can carry that pain into adulthood. Their adult relationships bring up their original pain and cause a lot of inner conflict. Often it is easier to inflict that pain onto their partners rather...

In my experience over the years as a psychotherapist, many individuals have come to me in despair over their troubled relationships. They tell me that their partners profess to love them and yet treat them with disdain, contempt and disregard.

They are deeply confused because their partners...

Note: Belinda is a composite of many individuals who have come to me for counseling over the years. Jake is a composite of their intimate partners.

Belinda didn't know that Jake had a serious psychological disorder when they got married 10 years ago. She saw him as a normal man with the ability...

“I can’t be wrong all the time,” laments a woman who needs counseling for her troubled relationship. After some probing, I discover that her partner is controlling and blaming is one of the tactics he uses against her.

If she disagrees with him, he retaliates with anger or...

Attempting to take care of an abusive elderly parent is fraught with problems and limited options, more so now as family members shelter in place during the Covid-19 pandemic. But there are some actions to take that can help create a safer caregiving experience.

What You Can Do If Your Elderly...

When stirring up trouble is used as a control tactic in relationships

It takes maturity, self-reflection, and mental discipline to be in a healthy relationship. These traits are useful when conflicting needs, opinions, and expectations cause disharmony between intimate partners.

Couples who...

In healthy relationships, partners may argue, criticize each other, and use hostile language, but perpetrators know their behavior is hurtful and inappropriate. They feel remorse, have meaningful discussion about what happened, and make genuine efforts to improve. The conflict can make a...

Navigating a potential minefield

I often get requests to provide therapy for family members who want to help loved ones in emotionally abusive relationships. Their previous rescue attempts resulted in frustration, anger, and estrangement.

There are ways to help. But first helpers must consider...

Know when your partner's moods are hiding bigger issues

It’s exasperating when your intimate partner alternates between warmth and coldness. You never know what mood will appear. The trouble is usually blamed on you and you struggle to understand what you did.

Your response may be to cater...